What Is Their Problem?

The word commitment causes intense emotional turmoil. Some men, if not most of them, find it hard to give up their freedom. It has always been said that there are two things that terrify men; commitment and marriage. But there are also women who are wary of commitment and marriage. More and more women opt for an open relationship or prepare themselves for a life of single blessedness.
The dream of every woman is to find a man to spend her entire life with. Even the holy religious books have enjoined men and women, to seek each other out and cohabit as man and wife. But as beautiful and simple as this may sound, marriage has long gone from being a simple item on a menu; it has become a task, as finding a true life partner has become as difficult as finding a black goat in the dark.
As liberated as our society is now, Bonano Analysis remains confused why most ladies, especially our today’s actresses, still shy away from getting committed to men. Even when they do, it ends within a twinkle of an eye on a sour tale. Bonano Analysis dares to ask, does it have to do with beauty, wealth or status? Why are these ladies still single and find it difficult to get married in spite of their relative affluence and beauty?
Ironically, some who have the intention of getting married have one or two clauses attached to it. One actress says she can never contemplate dating a poor man, let alone consider getting married to one. When she was asked recently to talk about marriage, she discounted the issue with a wave of the hand, saying, “Please, marriage is not the thing on my mind right now”. She went further to say “I can’t marry my colleague! It can be boring living in the same house with someone you know his job so well as well as his income! Should you be more popular or get richer than the man, then you are in trouble as this could be dangerous. If you are on six figures and he is on less, there is trouble. Men and their egos!” Imagine that! Hmmmmm!
What about this Imo State-born screen diva, a single mother who revealed in an interview that she is still single because she is afraid of divorce. “If I get married, I really want to stay married and staying married is not an easy thing. It means you are completely in tune with your partner. It means you have found your soul mate because you will have to be able to stand a lot of disappointments that would definitely come, but then again you have to learn to forgive,” she said.
Bonano Analysis is not done yet, this actress, who is in her early 40s, categorically stated that she is not looking for a husband and cannot be pressurized into marriage. She said, “I’m not looking for a husband and I don’t need one. I don’t need anything. I’m a complete person. I only do things that make me happy, because I believe and I understand the reality that there is just one life and you should live it to the maximum. Happiness and peace should be the key. I’m not searching for a husband, because the rumour that I’m searching for a husband has given me Wahala,- all kinds of people from left, right and centre, looking for me saying they want to marry me. Please, I’m using this opportunity to tell everybody, I am not looking for a husband!” In her early 40s! Can someone tell Bonano Analysis that this lady is not living in her whims of astute confusion; because, she surely is!
Now, read this one who feels time is running out on her, a talented Nollywood actress has declared that she wouldn’t mind being a second wife if the need arises. While speaking on a TV programme, she said: “If the situation and the person is good, I’ll go for it. I’ve said it before that if ladies don’t stop this nonsense they call ‘one-man-one-wife’, many of them will get to 40 and still remain single. There are more women than men. Go to churches, the number of single ladies in most cases is three times the number of single guys”. Hmmmmm! Wives hold your husbands tight; there is a searcher on the block!
Bonano Analysis will contend here that these excuses by these ladies not wanting to hook up or get committed leaves a little to be desired, there is more to it than meets the eye, ironically, the situation signals grave danger to the teaming youths who watch these actresses on screen daily, as this choice of life by our actresses, who some girls see as role models could influence most young women into thinking that it is a societal way of living to throw our esteemed culture and values to the winds.
Bonano Analysis will contend that most of these actresses are reacting on the impulse of affluence and other judgmental emotional trauma from related stories or experiences. Some who are still being hunted by the “ghosts” of their past relationships are not quite ready for another commitment. They may have this notion that getting into another commitment would be an exhaustive emotional and mental roller-coaster rise, and the mere thought about it is enough for them to shy away from it.
To some, the single life is as good as it gets. Some women find it annoying to ask permission from their partners to do things that they have gotten used to doing on their own, like going out with their female friends or enjoying dinner with their male friends. And when it comes to career, don’t go there! A woman’s best friend is her career. She finds it hard to make commitment at this point of her life because of her career. She feels that a serious relationship would distract her from her pursuit of excellence. Therefore women who prioritize their ascent up the corporate ladder or those who strive to be outstanding in their fields will set aside their relationship. And Bonano Analysis is of the opinion that this is one script these actresses are acting on!
One other script they are acting on is that most ladies tend to archive all educational qualifications before thinking of getting married, but, by this time, their age has gone so far. Even after the whole qualifications, the male folk will begin to get intimidated by such qualifications and that can cause further delay in getting married. Also, promiscuity thrives in their world. If a girl is too promiscuous, she automatically becomes the sex mate of every man in and out of her neighborhood thereby losing her female-hood value, this is a great cause of delay in marriage, more so when they tend to enjoy the affluence of it. What? So you don’t know some of them enjoy it, you think these excuses they give about love and men brutality are all real? They are hiding under that canopy my brother!
Bonano Analysis now submit, every man likes an articulate woman, a girl who can voice her opinion, sound intelligent and impress your friends with a philosophical debate on the downward spiral of modern politics. Yes! Maybe that is good enough, but a woman with verbal confidence can be a hell of a turn-on. Bonano Analysis has to be realistic here, while it is always nice to date someone who is charismatic and well-versed, it is something quite different to date a woman who beats the opinionated war drum.
Unfortunately, these types exist among actresses and our ladies, and for those who have not had the privilege of strapping on men’s ego and clamouring down for a verbal assault, you are definitely not missing out. Everyone comes from different wombs, so why does she seem to get angry with you when you cannot agree? Some women simply like to test you to see how well you stand up for yourself; others just like to exert their own power. The high headed ones expose your intellectual weaknesses and will subsequently cut you down because of it. This is a type to avoid at all costs, as she will make the rest of your life miserable while she stomps on your heart with an egomaniacal boot.
A ‘happy wife is a happy life’ is applicable to both. Marriage involves two people and happiness is contingent upon mutual respect. You cannot rely on your partner for your own sense of happiness or self-worth. Yes, Bonano Analysis knows that love is elusive, it cannot be bought or guaranteed, and it needs constant nurturing like a garden. Against all odds, one has to marry and be smart at keeping it going. Marriage is a social construct and a continual work in progress with inevitable obstacles and curved balls that have to be managed. The journey has to be navigated together, it is a constant teamwork. So, to the ladies and especially our actresses, think of reconstructing your ideas now before you turn 60 and become faced with spinster depression! Hmmmmm!